wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
