I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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