Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
