the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
