Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
