I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Randomize
