Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
