I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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