i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
