apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
