I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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