Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
