im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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