when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize