Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
