I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
