tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Is that strawberry winking at me??
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
