Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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