Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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