I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Dick very happy bro
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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