Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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