I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
you had me at cake vodka
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
