I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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