Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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