her vagina looked like bernie madoff
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
