OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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