Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
