k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
