Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
