I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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