so explain again why im purple
no
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
