it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
