then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
