My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize