I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
