I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
