Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
