My underwear smells like fireworks.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
