I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
