No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
