How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
