tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
