how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
