That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
