no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize