If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
