So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
