I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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