Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
