You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize