dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
