omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
