is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
