i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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