hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Can Purell be used as lube?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
