Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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