How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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