nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
