I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
