She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize