i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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