...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
