i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
