It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
