It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
