so that wasnt chicken after all
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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