yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
