Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
