Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize