Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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