North Korea, Best Korea!
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
my being single is dangerous.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
