I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
