I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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