I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
