i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
