I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
