so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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