i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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