matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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