She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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