Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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