the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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