I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize