At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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