this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
