ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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