Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
