margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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