i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I will be naked everywhere
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Randomize
