why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
