We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
