She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize