Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
