Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
