Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
