Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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