My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize