well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
