Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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