You really coming over, don't trick.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize