Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
i think my cat just said my name.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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