I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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