No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
