Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
