I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Go christen that room with your naked body.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
