I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
